Today is August 28th, I haven’t written anything for this blog since July 11th! Why you may ask? My father passed away July 21st. My world crashed and even though my conviction to be a mom never wavered, not once, I was sad and empty – honestly I still am. But I am getting there.
I called the clinic and have booked my appointments for cycle monitoring. They will test my fertility, make sure all is good down in my lady parts before I spend thousands of dollars making dreams come true. I am starting to feel excitement again. I haven’t been excited for anything since I lost my father. I felt happy (seeing my friends kids and hanging out with my girlfriends) but not excited.
I rescued the sweetest dog named Simba a few weeks ago, yet I still wasn’t excited about it – happy for sure…he makes me smile, but my heart is no longer whole and that is so sad.
Depending on my emotions I may postpone any insemination another month, I want my ovaries to be happy ovaries and ready for some sperm! I want to be healthy, I want to be taking my pre-natal vitamins which I have but have not taken, I want to be in a good head space where all of my decisions are based on me and what I want, not what I am missing.
Lying in bed, petting Simba, crying isn’t a good place for my baby. I need to be a bit stronger. I am seeing a therapist now – started last week. I am hoping with her guidance I can slowly embrace my life again.
For those of you who may be interested in my past, please see my old blog www.nikilee30.wordpress.com which in a nutshell is the last three years of my life summed up in just over 300 blogs. For now, stay tuned and share with me my journey.