Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a donor? There are so many options, so many restrictions, so many things to take into consideration.
After searching, and reading and re-reading the profiles, the donor essays and the staff impressions of several men, I narrowed it down to three. I was super excited. I called the clinic and guess what – my first two choices had 6 month-long waiting lists! Are you fucking kidding me??? I was furious. How could the clinic put these donors in the catalogue if they weren’t available?? They are totally getting women’s hopes up and this is already an emotional time. I hung up discouraged, but determined to find my baby’s biological father (AKA the donor).
I shook off my disappointment and looked again. I knew two things for certain. I needed a CMV negative donor and a man with an open ID. After taking a second look I saw donor 3232 which I had originally crossed off the list because he has a cleft chin. (yes please judge me and roll your eyes because I am)
Seriously Nicole – a cleft chin is the reason this person gets a big fat X next to his name. Unbelievable. I decided to re-read his profile. He had everything else I was looking for and most importantly he is a PROVEN fertile donor with no major health issues in his family. I decided to look up this cleft chin thing. I google imaged this and found pictures of Blake Lively, Selena Gomez, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. These are super attractive people with visible clefts in their chin. Of course there is also people who have horrible, ugly chins, but I mean really if the guy is practically perfect am I really letting a little bum chin throw me off? Make me wait 6 months to have this baby that I have been desiring for over a year already? No…no I will not. This man had everything and more that my earlier number 1 choice had except the cleft chin and I suddenly felt ashamed and humiliated that I was being so narrow-minded and picky. I mean, really when I looked at his picture he was handsome, someone whom if this was a dating site and not a fertility site, that I wouldn’t pass up so why pass him up as a donor??
Well, I didn’t. I faxed over my forms to the clinic this morning and 6 vials of donor 3232 will be sent to my doctor within the week! I feel amazing with my choice. As soon as I made it, I felt right. That this was the decision that was supposed to be made all along. I am going to write a letter to my future child, a private letter for just them (sorry) explaining all my reasons for picking 3232 along with a print out of his donor application, essay and staff impressions. This will be given to my child when he/she starts asking me questions – real questions about their father.
I am so close to this whole process and while it has been exhausting and sometimes uncomfortable, I don’t regret any of it. I love this little child already and I am not even pregnant.