Over the past few months, the idea of having a baby, of being a single mother – by choice – has had numerous ups and downs. I mean as far as the downs are concerned, it’s not like I ever regretted starting this process, or wished I hadn’t, but there are still some downs, the downs are simple….
Everything has to be done real early in the morning, ultrasounds, blood tests you name it, it’s done early. I am not an early morning person – I am a 10:00 am-2:00 pm person. That’s when I’m at my best – so these early mornings are killing me.
It’s also crazy expensive to be doing this and sometimes I think (as my brother so eloquently put) “I should just go clubbing and f@#$ a random”. Ya my older brother told me this…really! But when you look at the costs of IUI’s, it doesn’t sound like a bad idea! But then I remind myself STI’s are running rapidly through our society and the idea of bringing a strange man to my home, my father’s home, makes me sick. So spend, spend, spend and don’t look back.
There have been many highs as well. When Dr G. told me my tubes are “gorgeous” that felt great! When she told me I am healthy and she has no concerns – that made my day! Having acupuncture was an experience I actually enjoyed and can’t wait to do again! Meeting the staff at First Steps who are ALL amazing and kind and have made me feel great about my decision has been a major highlight, one I can’t wait to tell my future child(ren) about.
And now it all comes down to today. I have had all the tests, I have taken the vitamins (sometimes), I have gone through ovulation, been inseminated and today, finally, I gave a blood test to check for pregnancy. It could be positive, it could be negative – there is no certainty…kind of like life.
If it’s positive, today will be the best day of my entire life – worth every early morning wake up call, every dollar spent.
However if it is negative, then tonight I buy a bottle of wine and I have a drink because this week has been brutal for me and if it’s negative I will be disappointed.
It’s kind of win-win! I love wine!!! However of course I am hoping the former!
I’ll let you know when I know