2013 ended…2014 welcome (part 1)

 So much has happened since I last wrote that I may have to do this in two parts.  For the ending of 2013, it was all bad unfortunately.  

I am not pregnant.  My third times a charm, turned into three strikes.  I was deeply disappointed, so badly wanting some good news for the holidays.  I don’t know why I am not getting pregnant.  All the good things the doctors were saying a couple of months ago; seem futile now, unimportant and ridiculous. 

I will start fertility treatment in the spring. I need to wait. I must have surgery, a surgery I have had three times prior and not looking forward to my fourth. This was also the torturous news I had to deal with at the end of 2013.  I need to postpone the baby for a few months and I’m thinking as much as that is a sad thing to consider, it may be a good thing.  I have been stressed, at times depressed and overwhelmed with life the past few months and getting this surgery isn’t going to help that.  Once the surgery is over and I have healed (I am being optimistic it WILL heal) I will be in a better place to be pregnant.  

So that is the update on the non-pregnancy.  

On Friday December 20th, I left work completely grateful to be done work for another year!  I was starting to look forward to our annual family Christmas Eve party.   I was craving some family time.  I went and completed all the grocery shopping that needed to be done, played with Simba and fell asleep.  The next day I had some errands to run, cleaned the house and started preparing for Julia’s 5th birthday party the next day. 

It never happened. 

Sometime in the middle of the night, the ice storm hit and I lost power.  Most people lost power and the house was getting cold.  When I woke up I turned on my fireplace which is gas and started texting friends and family to see who was affected.  Almost everyone I knew except a scarce few.   The phone connection wasn’t great – I am assuming because of all the ice of the cell phone towers –  but I managed to get through to the most important people.  

This is when I learned how amazing my friends and family truly are.  I was getting invites left right and centre.  I was overcome with emotion, crying uncontrollably at various times throughout the day as I picked up my mom who was freezing and brought her to the warmth. 

I showered and ate at friends homes and as the hours passed slowly by, I realized that Christmas Eve and possibly Christmas Day would be cancelled.  I saw that my food I had bought a few days prior was wasted and had to be thrown out. 

By Christmas Eve, my mom, brother and I went to Harvey’s for a burger and chatted about how horrible this was that our first Christmas without my dad was going to be postponed.  My mother and I completed the night by going to the movie theater and watching the Hunger Games sequel.  

On Christmas day I awoke to a still dark house, thankfully Simba was satisfied with his dry dog food and freezing cold water.  I tried.  My mother and I spent the night at her sister’s house, something I have never done for Christmas my entire 32 years, but I was grateful for a warm meal, TV to watch and people to talk with.  

By Boxing Day, I sent my mom home, her power having come back days before but she stayed with me because she felt bad that I was alone.  I went to my girlfriend’s house to shower and chat and she LOVES Simba so I thought it would be nice to get out for a while.  

Around 4:30 on the 26th, my phone started buzzing.  My neighbors were calling and texting…MY POWER WAS BACK!  I left Simba with Erin and drove home to assess the mess and clean out the rest of the fridge and freezer.  I threw on laundry, called my mom and brother and began to make plans.  After five and a half days, the nightmare was over.  

I was relieved. 

I was satisfied. 

I was grateful. 

I was changed. 

Something I didn’t mention was that on Christmas Eve, I had a full on melt down while my mom was gone to feed her cat.  I cried continuously for hours, not knowing or caring how to stop.  I was miserable, cold, hungry and missing my dad so much I was gasping for breath.  I never said anything to anyone because I knew that I needed to deal with this all on my own.  I needed to cry and scream and lose my mind.  And I did.  I lost something that day, but what I lost was some of the hurt and anger that had built up for months. 

By Christmas Day, I was different, more patient and understanding.  I assume I will cry again, off and on for a long while, but I feel better.  I feel stronger than I have felt in months.  

Thank you Lord! 

Stay tuned for my post-#icestorm2013 holidays. 

Love

Nicole

 

 

  

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5 thoughts on “2013 ended…2014 welcome (part 1)

  1. Honey, I wish I could stop the pain! But things always happen for a reason and your Christmas Eve melt-down could be the start of “healing”. We did have our Christmas Eve celebration, and you and Paul and all the family celebrated your special Christmas Day as usual, you just did it a little late. This may have been a good thing – having the do all these traditional things in the house on the actual days without your Dad – and oh how I miss him and his corny jokes – would have been unbearable. I know he is looking down with love and approval for how you and Paul handled all the challenges and made “Christmas” happen.

    • Ya I feel a lot better thankfully. I think I needed everything to happen just the way it did! I am so grateful you, Uncle Ed, Craig and Molly were there!

  2. Are you from the GTA area? I am originally from there and heard lots were affected by the storm this Christmas. After the dark always comes light. Sometimes those break downs are the relief we need to move forward into the light. Xo.

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