Yesterday I was awoken by a text from an ex boyfriend who I have remained friends with wishing me a Happy Mother’s day. It was a bittersweet wake up call espcially since he lives in Alberta and the time difference meant he was up WAY early!
Don’t get me wrong, it was so nice of him to think of me and send out the message and I received many more messages throughout the day in person or over Facebook, but it got me thinking…
Should I be wished a Happy Mother’s Day because I am a woman???
I am not a mother and I have NO idea what it is like to constantly worry 24/7 for another human being who is completely defenseless. I have not woken up at 12 and 2 and 4 and 6 to feed my newborn child. I have not had to change diapers 10 + times a day dealing with a mess and a stench so bad it curls the strongest women’s stomachs! I have not had to choose between a new toy or outfit for my child over a manicure/pedicure. I have not had to worry about buying diapers or finding a sitter so I can have one night out. I have not gone nine months while my body physically distorts into something I don’t recognize in the mirror. I have not had to stay up holding my child as they projectile vomit from a fever. I have not had to think about anyone other than myself my entire life.
Then a friend reminded me that I am Simba’s mom. Well that’s not really true either. I am his adopted human mom, but he was born to a dog that is “dictionary specific” his birth mother. #mykidhasfur has become a very popular hash tag lately and in many ways I see the connection.
- I can’t just pick up and leave for a weekend whenever I want to. Unless I can bring Simba, someone needs to take care of him while I am gone. He cannot be left alone. HOWEVER, he can be left alone for a few hours at a time so it’s not so much an inconvenience for people to watch him for me as it would a baby who needs constant eyes and attention.
- When Simba was sprayed by the skunk and he spent half the night hacking up a lung, I was awake patting him until he calmed down enough to sleep even though he stunk and I had to buy new sheets the next day.
- I have to ensure Simba has food and water at all times. I can’t just decide not to buy him food if he has run out. I need to prepare ahead of time to ensure that his food is in stock 24/7
- I may not have to change diapers, but I need to ensure he gets outside enough to pee (about 4-6 times a day) and poop (1-2 times a day). I need to then be a good neighbor and ensure I pick it up in a doggy bag and throw it in the garbage.
- When I see a really cute doggy sweater or a new toy that I know Simba would love, I buy it! Which means, maybe next week I won’t be getting the manicure I want because dog stuff is a business and it’s an expensive business.
- I take as many pictures of Simba being cute as most people do of their kids…and then I gush about how cute he is and I beam with pride when others comment about how amazing he is!
WOW I am a doggy momma!
However I am not a baby momma (that sounds so ghetto, but you know what I mean). I had such hopes last year that by this year I’d either be a momma or at least pregnant, getting ready to celebrate the birth of my baby. But that dream has been difficult. It hasn’t worked out – yet. I am going to start another vicious cycle in June including hormones (Clomid) and pray that it works out for me. If not, then I have one more vial of donor sperm which I will use in July and then I have some tough decisions to make. I don’t know what to do after that.
- Keep trying IUI and purchase more donor sperm – using a different donor maybe?
- Try IVF with a donor – which is MUCH more expensive and offers no guarantee either
- Put my name on the CAS Adoption list and start that long process
Either way, I am meant to be a mother, not just Simbas mother (though I take SO much pride in that role) but a baby’s mother.
Time will tell
Happy Mothers Day to the pet mommy’s and human mommy’s – we are all blessed with love!