I’ve made a difficult, heartbreaking decision

I was really hoping that I would be able to do another cycle of IUI this month – get myself back on the baby making train that wasn’t for 2014.  However, I got my period the day before I left for Black Friday shopping meaning my day 3 ultrasound would have been on Friday when I wasn’t in the country.  Even if they allowed me to do the day 2 or 4 instead, I would still have been in Grove City P.A so I was screwed.  It’s almost like it was God telling me this month was not to be.  Of the 30 days in November, Wednesday was the ONE day that under no circumstances could I get it because my mandatory ultrasound wouldn’t have been possible and of course Wednesday I woke up to Mother Nature screaming at me.

Disappointed isn’t even the right word – especially since my period was 10 days late.

So I started thinking…how long do I want to go through this?  How long can I put my body physically and emotionally through this – let alone the bank account?!!?

My heart and my head immediately came up with the same date.  December 31st, 2015.  If by that date I am not pregnant I will no longer try.  I will give up this dream.  I will let it go.  It may kill me, it may cause some extremely rough days and nights, but as an (SMC) I can only do so much.  I am going to do everything in my power to get pregnant next year and if it is meant to be than I will have a little boy or a little girl either with me celebrating Christmas, or growing in my belly, giving me the perfect excuse to have a second helping of Turkey on Christmas Day!

This decision has not been easy, nor will the other million decisions I need to make in my life, but at least it is my decision and my decision alone.  It doesn’t hurt or help anyone.  A lot can change between now and then too.  Maybe I finally meet Mr. Right instead of the many Mr. Wrongs of 2014, but that I have no control of either.  So I can control this decision, this one choice is mine to make and I have made it.  This blog may change in content since I refuse to stress over the inevitable, and I want to actually enjoy next year – because let’s face it, I have not truly enjoyed very much this year, but I hope you all stick around for the next 13 months to see what it brings – the good, the great and even the possible bad.

Thank you all for you support thus far




5 thoughts on “I’ve made a difficult, heartbreaking decision

  1. You will continue to have our love and support no matter what happens in 2015. We just want you to be happy. Hugs, Aunt Sharron and Uncle Ed

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