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Pondering

I’m sitting in the Second Cup, half of my English Grey tea gone cold, the blueberry muffin wrapper staring up at me with that look – you know the look. The fat woman’s guilty look. ‘You shouldn’t have had a muffin for breakfast’. But you see today is the day. THE DAY. So a muffin and a tea was all I had the stomach for.

I’m at Second Cup in the same building as my fertility clinic because after numerous days of fertility/hormone injections I am ovulating. In an hour or so I will be injected with donor 3232 and my dreams of becoming a mom will hinder on my egg and the millions of sperm dancing together and finding each other enjoyable – mating. Or at least that’s how I see it.

My colleague has blessed me like only the Greeks know how to. I have her prayer card and I will hold that and say my only little prayers as I’m inseminated, knowing the disappointment that will burn through my soul if I’m told one more time ‘not pregnant’.

But for now, I sit in the cold Second Cup trying to breath and relax and thinking of sunshine and rainbows, beaches and puppies…these are a few of MY Favourite things.

Love
Nicole

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