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A picture is worth a thousand words

I love picture taking – I have scrapbook albums full of photo’s and I know not all pictures are equal and sometimes you get a good shot and sometimes you don’t.  You don’t just throw away a not so good shot because you aren’t a fan of it, you keep it and treasure the memory – but what you don’t do is use it as your tinder/match/okcupid/POF picture.

Yes world, I decided on the weekend, knee deep in chocolate licking my wounds from another Valentines Day single, that I would see what this tinder thing was all about.  After all, it’s focused heavily on location and that is important to me, because I love Durham and I will never want to move out of it so Tinder seemed like an okay thing to sign up for and try out for a few days.

It seems like most sites where the profile picture really makes or breaks a connection.  Now I know Tinder is really for “hook ups” and “casual dating”, but if it is, don’t you think people would use pictures that make them more attractive – and not less?

There are 4 types of pictures I was bombarded by this weekend and let me tell you – I will not swipe right if you have these types of pics…ever

  1. The workout/half naked mirror selfie

I get it, you work out, you have abs, you can sweat.  Awesome.  I don’t, I don’t and I can, but it’s not attractive in a picture so I won’t take a picture of me sweating and post it where I am hoping someone takes an interest in me.

Now I get it, a fit body is hot, but why not wear a great fitting shirt on a hike and I’ll still be able to tell you appreciate physical activity without all the nakedness happening!  This doesn’t just happen on Tinder – it happens on them all.  If your looks are all you care about – we won’t be in to each other.

2. The pictures with lots of girls/drinking/recreational drug use

Is this what women find attractive now? I hope you have female friends, I do!  I have male friends whom I cherish, but they will never be in a dating site photo.  It’s weird.  Like, is this an ex?  Is this a sister?  Is this your current girlfriend and you want a threesome?  How do I know???  Please just have single photo’s.  I don’t need to try and guess who some random girl is before I have even said hello to you.

I want you to be a fun guy, and if you drink (a bit) or casually smoke marijuana, I am okay with that, but is this the image you want to portray?  It kind of make it seems like this is a large part of your life and if so – we won’t be into each other.

3. The covered face/far away picture

Attraction – at first – is physical.  If I am not attracted to you physically I am not going to spend time reading your profile – I’m just not and I wouldn’t expect you to read mine either!  If your face is covered in a motorcycle helmet or a low baseball cap I can’t see you.  I won’t go on.  If you are into motorcycles – take a pic posing beside your bike, holding your helmet!  If you love baseball, take a picture at a game with your favourite jersey on or even playing the game, but please push your hat up for the photo opp!  I love baseball and if you do too that’s a huge bonus – but if I can’t see your face, make a connection with your sweet smile or kind eyes, I probably won’t read on.

If the picture was taken 10+ feet away how are we supposed to see anything?  Especially if there is more than you in the picture – how do we tell who is who?  Show me these awesome pictures after we have been dating, they don’t stand to make a good profile picture – especially if it’s your only picture.

Speaking of only picture:

4. The one picture guy

One picture?  It could have been on a good day!  Or from ten years ago!  Take recent selfies or have friends take some pics of you out and about doing something you enjoy!  One of my favourite pictures is of me  in the Dominican lying by the pool!  I love travel and love the sun and beaches.  It’s close up and it’s only me.  Now I am wearing sunglasses, but I have four other pictures where my eyes are showing so I am not hiding anything.  I would say two pictures minimum and 6 pictures maximum (all pics should look like you).  Also, please don’t add gif’s or other random pictures taken from the internet like this one:

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It’s not funny and it won’t encourage me to read on.

Now I know this seems very petty and like I am saying my profile is all that and a bag of chips – so why am I single?  Well my profile is not perfect…I need to work on it.  My pictures are very detailed though, carefully chosen and some taken specifically for my profile page in order for you (the guys out there) to determine if you find me attractive enough to read on.

If your profile is absent of the above pictures, there is a pretty good chance I am going to see what you are are all about because it tells me you have taken the time to create a thoughtful profile and care what us ladies are seeing.  Effort is one thing I find severely missing from a lot of relationships, if you put the time into your profile that shows how much effort you may put into me!

Just my humble opinion from a single girl…maybe I am to picky – maybe I should just settle!?  HAHAHA – never!

Nicole

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Cuba to Africa and back again

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Lying by the pool in Cayo Coco Cuba, with my toes polished in a bright coral radiating against the sun, I was reading a very different story, one that made me even more grateful for breezy winds and cold daiquiri that quenched my thirst.

The book is called The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver and it takes place in the 1960’s when a baptist reverend moved his wife and four young daughters to the Congo where their white skin and English language made them immediate outcasts and unwelcome to say the least.  The story is told from the mothers and daughters point of view and was an easy read, but frustrating because it was hard to accept a father so far removed from reality that he allowed his family to be destroyed – both emotionally and physically in some sense – all for a higher calling.

I read this entire book while on my Cuban vacation at the Hotel Playa Coco and my first day there I was complaining up a storm about the late check in time, the toilets not working, the cracks in the wall, the crappy AC and the lack of towels, but the more I read, the more I stopped to appreciate the palm trees blowing in the wind, the kind Cuban workers whose monthly income is less then what I spend on coffee in a week, and the crisp blue pool inviting me to cool off whenever the sun became just a bit too hot.

Overall the trip was alright – but the book…it was amazing.  I feel like a better person having read it and while it was long, it was worth it.  I may never return to the Hotel Playa Coco (maybe in a few years after renovations), but I will definitely re-read The Poisonwood Bible.

Love Nicole