Its been a journey…it isn’t over

I have wanted to be a mother since I knew what being a mother was.  I parented my dolls and stuffed animals when I was a small child, I started babysitting at age 12 when my neighbor trusted ME with her 2 month old son (who I took care of like he was my very own). I have surrounded myself with children and women who have had children my whole life. I secretly envied my friend when she got pregnant at 16, not wanting to be a mom until I finished school, but wishing I had a baby of my own. I even took a parenting class in high school where you had to bring home that doll that cried at various times and you had to stick a key in their back to give them their need.

The last three years however have been a never ending cycle of disappointments.  IUI didn’t work for me.  I am not as fertile as I need to be to get pregnant.  Maybe if I had a partner whom I was having sex with on a regular basis things would be different, but they aren’t.  Does that mean I give up?

My father didn’t raise a quitter.

I am going through the process of adopting.  I don’t NEED to be pregnant, though it would be great, but I NEED to be a mother.  I NEED to feel a small hand wrapped around mine, looking into the eyes of my child as they call me mom.  I NEED to do this for me – and for them.

I am going to adopt

I have almost completed my home study, my medical forms were signed (thank GOD) my police check and finger printing have been submitted and my biographies and short answer questionnaires have been written, edited, and submitted.  My references from my mom, Agnes and Kim have been mailed in and I have contacted the agency that will process my adoption with Haiti.  It’s been a busy few months.  Wow.

This weekend I start my PRIDE classes.  For those of you who don’t know what that is, here is a brief synopsis from the Adopt Ontario website:

PRIDE (Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education) is a  a total of 27 hours of training that could be offered in a variety of ways, from once a week to sessions on weekends. Whenever possible, applicant participation in a PRIDE training program should be concurrent with the completion of their SAFE homestudy.

The PRIDE curriculum provides information to help prepare all adoptive parents for the responsibilities involved in raising their children and incorporates information about the following:

  • Adoption and child welfare systems, processes and laws
  • Attachment as a central issue in all adoptions
  • Loss issues in adoption
  • Impact of adoption on your own family
  • Child development, child management and an overview of issues specific to the needs of adopted children
  • The effects of neglect, lack of stimulation, abuse, institutionalization on children
  • Identity formation and the importance of cultural and racial awareness
  • The importance of connections and continuity for children


Doesn’t this sound like something all first time parents should have to go through before they are allowed to get pregnant?  I mean obviously some of it wouldn’t be necessary, but a lot of it would be super beneficial and helpful – especially to young moms and parent’s who haven’t spent a lot of time around children!

I have a lot of experience with children – both blood related and friends kid’s.  However I am so looking forward to these classes.  I can’t wait to learn from, and talk to, people who are going to be going through the same things as me around the same time.  I can’t wait to study and find resources that support my desire to parent an adopted child.  My heart is so full of excitement and love that half the time I feel like crying tears of pure joy!

The next two weekends will be wonderful, educational and bring me that one step closer to me fulfilling my dreams.  My dad would be so excited for me!

Love Nicole