Gilmore Girls revival

***Spoilers ahead***


Normally I would not review a TV show on this blog, that isn’t it’s purpose.  I created this blog to document my journey to motherhood and life with my little Koko.  However, as this journey has stalled and I will be waiting a while until anything happens I decided I needed to write about something mind-numbing, something fluffy, an opinion piece of sorts, so here I go.

Back in the spring of 2016, my girlfriend Alex and I decided that since Gilmore Girls was going to be bringing back the show for four episodes in November of 2016, we would re-watch the entire original series and then watch the new episodes together.

I had watched this series from beginning to end twice prior.  Once originally as they played on TV and once in 2010 when my ex and I were in the long process of breaking up and I needed to keep my mind occupied knowing disaster for us was looming.  Watching this series again, 6 years later was great!  I enjoyed every episode and couldn’t wait for the new episodes to finally play.  I had been #teamjess the entire series and Alex was #teamlogan.  Which one of us would see Rory with our chosen guy in the end?  We had high hopes!  We were both OGGF (original Gilmore Girl fans).  We didn’t just start watching, getting caught up in the hoopla – we WERE the hoopla!

Yesterday, Sunday November 27th, we got out the junk food and sat back for what was sure to be an amazing 6 hours of GG!

Except it wasn’t.  We watched episode 1 and we were bored.  Nothing happened.  We were reunited with a bunch of our favourite characters which was great, but we found out things that didn’t match with our feelings of what would have happened:

  1. Sookie left for six months to do some food thing or another (I can’t even remember because it was so boring) but she ended up being gone 2 years.  Sookie co-owns the inn.  I cannot believe for a second that she would uproot her three children to be gone for two years!  Her whole life was in Stars Hollow and for her to be gone for so long just seems ridiculous.
  2. Rory has a boyfriend Paul whom she has been dating for two years, but who is forgettable – literally.  Luke and Lorelei never remember having met him or any conversations they have had with him and Rory keeps forgetting that he is around and dates they have together!  Rory is also having an affair – with LOGAN *dammit Alexandra!*  Now we all know Rory has no problem having sex with another woman’s man – she did sleep with Dean when he was married to Lyndsey and she kissed Jess when she was dating Logan, but she is allowing the affair to continue fully knowing that Logan will not leave his fiancee for her.  It’s weird.  This relationship plays out through all four episodes (a full year) and seems so ridiculous. Don’t even get me started on the one night stand she has with a wookie in episode 2!
  3. Rory is unemployed.  She is in talks to write a book (biography) about some crazy drunk lady, but other than that she has no place to live, no regular paycheck!  When season 7 ended in 2008, Rory left to go write on the political campaign trail for BARACK OBAMA!  Remember that guy who became president of the United States of America??!!  It was never even mentioned – not once!  That became such a huge deal for original fans of the show because we know now that she would have had amazing experiences writing for the first black president!  For the writers to ignore that was a huge misstep.

We agreed that while episode one was boring, episode two would surely be better as all the main players had been re-introduced!

We were wrong again.  It was more of the same.  I guess we had high hopes.  We wanted these to be mini movies – full of drama or action or something!  But they were like regular, long boring TV episodes.  At this point we were extremely disappointed!  We had waited eight years – devoted months to re-watching the originals play out and the first three hours sucked!  Disappointment rang through her apartment as we ate our cookies, reese’s pieces and skittles.  Ordering a pizza would have to help right!?  I mean Rory and Lorelei ate a million pieces of pizza over the seven seasons together – we ordered Pizza Pizza and sat back to ENJOY episode three – summer.  This had to be good – it’s my favourite season after all!

It was better.  There was a better story line and the characters were stronger and things seemed to be happening!  However, Rory and Lorelei spent a lot of time at this pool that Stars Hollow never had before and there was a really weird, awkward musical moment that ran on about five minutes to long!  It was very artsy. Very flowery. It was fine though.  I accepted it because I was glad the story line was starting to get good – of course with only one season left they didn’t allow themselves much time to wrap up this good story line. Emotions were coming out – relationships were building – but where was Sookie?  Where was Dean, we were promised Dean!  Of course I was thrilled because Jess was back and he was supporting and encouraging Rory despite her stress!  I love Jess…he’s so damn handsome – can we go back to that??!!

No, okay lets move on.

We excitedly started episode 4 – FALL.  This was it – 4.5 hours in and we weren’t happy – would we be by the end of this episode?

We felt okay.  Why?  Because it left room for Rory to have a spin off show OR for more revival episodes. Luke and Lorelei FINALLY tied the knot and Rory FINALLY became a writer – not a journalist, but a real writer.  She wrote – Gilmore Girls, the story of her life and her moms life.  Great idea – Jess gave it to her which makes it even better!  In the end, the original writer ended it the way she would have ended the series all those years ago if she had been given the chance:

Rory: Mom

Lorelei: ya

Rory: I’m pregnant

Lorelei: shocked expression – cue the credits!

That’s it!  It’s over.  Who’s the daddy?  Logan (Alex hopes), Paul (the weird random boyfriend who dumped her via text in the final episode and you only saw once) or the Wookie (who she had a one night stand with in Spring – actually that’s impossible cause she would be very pregnant by the end of fall). So it’s Logan’s or Paul’s.  Huh.  Kind of uninteresting since there are no current plans for a spin-off or revival.

Four episode, 6 hours, 18200 calories later and Alex and I were left feeling empty, devoid of any real feeling.  We didn’t hate it, we just didn’t love it.  I teared up once in the final episode where Lorelei reflects on her favourite memory of her father on the phone to Emily and it was dramatic and really pulled on my heart strings, missing my own father so much.

So that’s it.  I’m not happy.  I’m not fulfilled.  I don’t feel like waiting 8 years for these four episodes was really worth it.  I want more.  I wanted more depth, more relationships, more power and strength and I just didn’t get it.

What did you think?  Let me know…

I’m going back to writing about babies…

Love Nicole


Plan A v. Plan B (C, D, E etc)

Throughout your life you will make a million decisions, have countless choices that will affect your life in one way or another and have to change your plans over and over again based on minute little details that you didn’t take into consideration.

For example.  I made the decision when I was a little girl that I would be a wife and a stay at home mom.  This was my goal, my plan.  Unfortunately, I never met “the one” and unless I met “the rich one” I would never be able to not work.  I had to readjust my plan.  I decided I would be a single mom and immediately started going to doctors, fertility specialists and buying sperm online (that was so weird I am not going to lie).  It became very technical and medical – not all like I planned, or dreamed of, but I had made up my mind and adjusted my plan.  Plan A didn’t work.  The fairy-tale – which is usually the “ideal” didn’t happen for me.  My prince didn’t exist, so I threw on my Sasha Fierce and became Miss. Independent.

Unfortunately, Plan B failed too.  I couldn’t get pregnant, it was near impossible.  I was sick of trying and failing and being poked and prodded with no success.  I had to make another decision.  Did I want to be pregnant, or did I want to be a mom.  I had to really think about this one.  After looking at the Pro’s and Con’s (really morning sickness, hemorrhoids and labor pain not considered) I knew I needed to be a mom.  Pregnancy wasn’t necessary.  So I looked into adoption and now (Plan C) I’m steady in my commitment to this process.  Three plans before one stuck.  Plan C is not a worse plan than Plan A, it’s just different.  It’s a plan I believe in, a plan that will ultimately lead me to happiness.  Isn’t that what we all want, a little happiness?

Another time my plans have failed, yet brought me success (and ultimately my reason for writing today) was in my career.  Growing up I was going to be an elementary (primary) school teacher.  There was never a Plan B.  Unfortunately, I kind of just assumed this would happen and didn’t properly prepare for it. I got okay grades, did a bit of volunteer work and applied to schools haphazardly figuring I was a shoe-in.  I was born to teach! Wouldn’t the Universities care about that…?  Nope, I was denied from each and every one of them.  Since I was already working for the city part time, I flipped my perfect education program to the American part-time program for Ontario students – ya I was THAT girl!

After graduating with straight A’s and excellent recommendations, I again assumed I’d get an LTO or part time assignment, but again, doors were shut in my face – and hard.  I applied over and over again to three boards, driving around forever visiting principals and meeting other “hopeful” young people begging for that one chance.  My opportunity never came.  I literally had to pick myself up from the floor, covered in tears and face a harsh reality that I would not now, nor most likely ever be a teacher.

I was fortunate, while some of my peers are still looking for their chance to break into the teaching market (almost a decade later), I found a job I love – not as much as teaching – but I love it all the same.  I get to work with people, help them create life and employment goals and most fortunately – get to watch a lot of them succeed!  I also get a chance to facilitate and hone my public speaking skills which is awesome!  There are things I miss about teaching, even about the idea of teaching those sweet little children, but I don’t regret my decision to change careers, to use my transferable skills to make me a success in the working world.

Now I am starting to think about what is next for me in this career?  Stay a caseworker where I am happy and content and could easily stay for the next twenty years and not have a complaint?  Or do I push forward, apply for a supervisor role or work in the Learning Centre?  There are pro’s and con’s to each.  I have never imagined myself being a supervisor. I never wanted to manage a team, but I could be good at it.  I am fair and friendly and confident in my abilities – three (out of the hundreds) of things that make a good leader, but at the same time I enjoy working with my clients and knowing that each day (which has ups and downs) will be pretty normal.  I have time, twenty years to be exact, before it’s to late to change my mind, but will being in a position of power be my Plan C?  The adoption Plan C is amazing and wonderful – maybe the career Plan C would be too?

I guess what I am saying, for anyone still reading through this gibberish, is not to worry about life so much, plan’s change, goals are adjusted and you can still come out on top, you just have to keep going and most importantly keep making plans!




It was just a dream

I drove up to the Creche, hot and sweaty, the bus had no air conditioning and I was having trouble breathing in the stale, Haitian heat.  When the doors open, the kids and their nanny’s came pouring out of the small building in front of me with smiles on their faces, but I was only looking for one.  The face of my boy – my son.  I picked him out immediately, shiny skin, damp with perspiration, a big grin and tears running down his cheeks as he saw me – his manman (mother in Creole).

He jumped into my arms, there was a lot of noise around us, laughter and happy squeals as other parents around us met their children for the first time.  He whispered in my ear that he had been waiting a long time for me.  I pulled back and kissed him on the forehead and told him I had been waiting my whole life for him! We spent time sitting on a bench together talking and giggling, holding hands and hugging constantly while he told me everything I could possible ever need to know about him.

I knew it was a dream, he spoke perfect English; my beautiful child will not.  He was also older, maybe 6 or 7, and my child will be under 3.  But even though I knew it was a dream, it didn’t damper the elation I felt because this child, this beautiful little boy was mine and I loved him instantly.

Waking up with a damp face from tears I was sad and upset and immediately felt a part of me was missing, a pain in my heart that was so real it kept me paralyzed for a brief moment until I realized my alarm was going off.

It was time to start my day.

But what a dream…it was a really good dream.




What a week

It’s Thursday…this week isn’t even over and I have been specially blessed TWICE!  Some weeks are normal, boring even…some weeks I see and feel heartache and sadness, but this week – this week is great!

First, my cousin Matt and his lovely fiance safely had their second little boy delivered by C-Section at 9 pds and 15 ounces!  I know – a big boy!  James Gordon and I met on Tuesday and snuggled for well over an hour.  His newness and sweetness radiating off of him and of course putting him down left an aching that I never fully recover from.  I know that having a newborn is not a part of my journey – but sometimes, when I let me weaknesses role in, sometimes it still bites.

Second – and this is MY good news – I am ADOPT READY in Ontario, meaning my ministry has put the stamp on my home study and once my dossier is complete I can submit my final documents to my adoption agency for translation.  My first meeting with my practitioner was all the way back in January and now – 10 months later, I am adopt ready!  I know I still have a year or more of waiting for referral, but this crucial step is complete.  I can breathe a sigh of relief.  My government is not standing in the way between my child having a mother.

Thank you God.

Love Nicole


Seasons of wait

When I see friends whom I haven’t talked to in awhile, the standard first question is “how was your summer?”  I don’t have much to say other than – “alright”.  I went to the cottage, spent time with friends and family and waited.  Waited for reports to be finished and most recently (since the beginning of August) waited to be approved as ADOPT READY.  This has been another really long wait.  I know being a mom will require patience and understanding, but testing me through long wait periods of documents being signed and approved isn’t really helping me!

Once I am ADOPT READY, I can submit my dossier to my agency, have everything translated, give them a kidney and possibly a lung to cover the costs and THEN finally have my documents sent to HAITI.  Sadly, this is when the longest wait will be.  I will possibly wait a year or more to be matched with a child.  A year or more of my baby growing up in the Creche (Orphanage).  A year or more of possible Hurricanes destroying his/her land.  A year or more of them not knowing who their mother is.  Not knowing how needed and loved and wanted they are.

The wait is painful.  The only thing that makes is bearable is knowing that my child is there waiting for me too.  They need me to be patient.  They need me to relax and be calm and have my ducks in a line.  They need me to be healthy.  They need me to have my finances all in order.  They need me.  For them I will wait.  For them, and only them, I will take a breath today and accept that waiting is part of the process.  I will suffer through more seasons – fall, winter, spring and summer – with the faith that when everything is right and the stars have aligned – my turn will come.  I will get to be a mommy.  For now I will read the blogs, I will chime in on the numerous Facebook groups dedicated to adoption and I will wait.




The Climb

I am not now nor have I ever been a “Miley Cyrus” fan.  However, whenever I hear this song (the only one by her on my phone) I can’t help but dream off into space thinking of my journey to be a mother…

I can almost see it.
That dream I’m dreaming,
But there’s a voice inside my head saying,
“You’ll never reach it.”
Every step I’m takin’
Every move I make feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin’

But I, I gotta keep tryin’
Gotta keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down,
But no, I’m not breaking
I may not know it,
But these are the moments
That I’m gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin’,

And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on,


There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climb


There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody’s gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climb

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Keep on movin’
Keep climbin’
Keep the faith, baby
It’s all about—it’s all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa, whoa, oh.

  • Google time play

I’m not sure if this makes any sense to you, I just feel like I have had so many obstacles ahead of me, so many hills I have had to climb and really – regardless of what happens in the end, once I hold my child in my arms – it will all be worth it.




Cottage life is great, but it will be better

People say I am crazy for buying a cottage with one of my best friends.  “It was to much money”, “it’s not worth it”, “it will ruin our friendship”…I have heard every negative thing possible.

What people don’t understand is that it was not to much money – it was fairly cheap for a place you can basically live in for 6 months a year.

It was 100% worth it.  I spend most weekends up there plus a week or two each summer.  I tan, I have amazing times with my friends, I swim, I go boating and I get a lot of reading done.  If I was at home all summer I would be doing nothing – not being social that’s for sure.  I’d be on my couch watching TV and movies.

Finally – and this is a big one – it has not even come close to ruining my friendship with K, if anything we are closer because we are together most weekends for half a year.  We have fun, we laugh, we bicker and we tease her husband – a lot…if anything I am surprised he hasn’t killed one or both of us!

The best thing is that I get to spend a lot of time with her two children C and M.  It gives me a picture of what it will be like when I bring my child home from Haiti and introduce him or her to cottage living.

We all went on a boat ride Saturday afternoon and watching K hold M in her arms while we sped through Lake Seymour into Rice Lake I could almost feel my child wrapped in my own arms giggling as the water sprayed onto us whenever we hit a bump.   When we stopped to fish for a few minutes I sat on the back of the boat with M dipping our feet in the water comparing toe nail colours (she had pink, I had purple). I so desperately was yearning for my own child in those moments it was almost over whelming.  Bringing my little one home is something I constantly day dream about…I know there will be a lot of tough times…times when I doubt myself and my abilities, but those times when I hear a laugh or see a smile – those will be the times that are worth it.  I can’t wait to blog about THOSE times.  To let you all in on this amazing little person who will change my world in the most epic way possible.

Having this cottage is going to allow me to give my kid memories that will last their lifetime.  Some of my favourite childhood memories exist at my aunts trailer – and we were only there two weeks a year!  Imagine the possibilities when they are up north for days and sometimes weeks at a time!?  My blog and Project Life albums will be so much more vivid and exciting!!