**raising hand and apologizing profusely

Ya, it’s been weeks (shut up fine it’s been a LOT of weeks) and I am finally writing, blogging, catching you all up on what’s been going down since my last entry.

To be honest I haven’t written because nothing has been going on.  Life as I know (as I am doing it) has become stagnant, boring, predictable.

The cottage was open, I spent the May long weekend there with Kim and her family, which as always, was amazing.  I had a great time.

The guys have come back and have started working on finishing my back yard. I can’t wait until it’s all DONE

My nephew – 18 – has a girlfriend…I know, holy crap!  She is super cute and they are cute together in their little 18-year-old bubble.  My nephew, while needing a swift kick in the ass to get him motivated, at the end of the day, is a great kid and I am glad he has met someone who is fun and quirky that he can enjoy life with.

Work is work.  Enough said.

My mom moved in – oh wait what?!  Ya, circumstances happened that my mom had to vacate my aunt’s place temporarily so of course I took her in.  I didn’t even hesitate – she is my mother, regardless of our past.  I judge people on their present actions and for the past two years she has been supportive, encouraging, loving, giving and very present in my life.  Simba loves her to pieces, and it’s nice to have the company.  It is temporary – for how long we don’t know, but until that date, I am happy to have her.

My “wound” of course is a mess and causing so much emotional strife I can’t even deal with it on here, so just know…surgery may be required AGAIN and no I am not okay.

Simba is great – of course he is…he’s a little muffin who makes me giggle and smile and pull my hair out all within a single day.

Baby…there is no baby.  Not yet.  My period has been all over the place so I haven’t even attempted it.  I have had to seriously consider that it may not work out for me.  That I may need a surrogate, I may need to adopt – and how do I feel about that.  That is meant for another blog when I can get through it level-headed – because right now, me not being able to get pregnant is not something I can fathom.

Dad, the two-year anniversary of his passing is coming up next month and that floors me!  How is it possible I have been without his love and protection for TWO YEARS??  I have survived, of course I have, he raised me to survive turmoil and sadness and to come out on top, but so far, I am not on top…I am tip toeing the middle line, not sure if I am sinking or swimming half the time – just knowing I am still alive and still trying to thrive.

A quick update, a brief “hey bloggy friends I have not forgotten you”.  I will blog more soon, I promise

Love

Nicole