Dinner conversations

This past Saturday I was treated to my favourite dinner – All You Can Eat Sushi – by the lovely Alex.  She drove up from downtown to the dreaded Durham Region where she thinks the dragons will attack her as soon as she crosses the Port Union boundary – she’s crazy, we feed our dragons Trump supporters…

Anyway, we had an amazing meal and  great conversation that really got me thinking.  We were talking about things we KNOW we want in our life.  Her biggest one was a husband, and to travel the world.  Now for those of you who may know my little Yoga loving hippie, this was not a shock at all.  (4 years ago I would have been shocked, but she met a sweet man who changed her view points on this and I totally get it!).  For me, the answer wasn’t so simple.  I started thinking about things people in general know they want in life and my answers were not so concrete.

A man (life partner)

This one is tricky – ask me ten years ago, I wanted to be a housewife, taking care of my imaginary husband, the house, the kids the whole nine yards.  I believed fully in passionate, romantic love.  But that was an un-realistic point of view.  I’ve been told this a million times over by friends and family members who roll their eyes as I watch another Nicholas Sparks movie.  But, I don’t know if I believe in any of that anymore.  I don’t feel like I will be fulfilled without this kind of love, so I am just kind of floating along the dating trail waiting to see.  I’d like a partner, sure.  But I have been single for so long, and screwed over so often that at the end of the day – this isn’t my “dream future”.

Child(ren)

This is my only focus.  All that I have, all that I am, is going into being a mom.  It’s the one constant throughout my life that hasn’t wavered (okay well 30 years ago I wanted 10 kids and the number has slowly decreased from there).  Having a child, being a mother, is the one thing I will sacrifice everything else for.  It’s not a want, it’s a need that has roots so deep in my heart I think I would rather die than live childless.

The perfect job

I like my job; I don’t love it usually though some days I do.  There are things I would rather be doing, but this job has set me up for success and stability in life and I crave stability – hence why having a man in my world is not a priority.

Travel

I’d travel most places in this large world of ours, but I will only ever plan or desire to travel to the USA and the Caribbean *and Mexico*.  When I am on vacation I like to relax and lie by a pool/ocean.  If someone else wanted me to go to say Belarus (cough Alex cough) I’d go, but I wouldn’t plan it.  Again, once I am able to be a mother, my idea of vacations will change.

A roof over my head

I love my house.  I picked it and decorated it for me.  It was nice being single at this time because it was all about me in a world where it so seldom is.  I don’t ever see me selling this home, I have great neighbours, a close drive to everything and everyone I love and it’s affordable (thank you job).

Maybe I do know what I want.  Maybe I am afraid to admit those things that I don’t want or aren’t willing to settle for because they aren’t the norm.  People are uneasy when a woman of a certain age are single still…maybe I just have to accept my lot in life because of my wants.  I don’t know…time will tell I guess.  For now, this lady is a single, trying to adopt, caseworker who has a few Caribbean vacations planned in the next few years!

Love me or hate me…but that’s what it is!

 

I’m not all that excited for Halloween

 

As a little girl, my mother would make my older brother and I costumes, little devil outfits that fit over my snow suit, a boxed robot covered in tin foil for my brother.  Clearly my mother had her opinions of us, but since these were easy for her to make, we accepted it and happily went about getting our candy with our neighbourhood friends.  My father was always the one who would take us out, patiently waiting at the bottom of the driveway for us while we ran up screaming the typical   

Trick or Treat!!!!!

Every house on my street gave out candy except for the creepy guy who put his large, mean dogs out in the backyard as school was getting out and we littles had to pass  to get home.  Facing reality, I NEVER would have gone up to his door anyway and knocked, fearing he would have handed out poisoned apples, but still I felt this was incredibly rude to my four-year old self who was as cute as a button and really just wanted to show up my bright red devils horns along with my long devil tail.

Growing up, I don’t remember dressing up as much.  I cared more about parties and hanging with my friends rather than dressing up to get chocolate and candy.  After I stopped going out, we became that mean house on the street that didn’t had out candy – however the neighbourhood also started to change.  The kids I hung out with were too old to be cute trick or treaters and a lot of the new kids that moved into the neighbourhood didn’t celebrate Halloween and therefore rarely dressed up – sometimes donning a mask or a cape – but just wanting free candy.  We weren’t okay with that. 

Now as an adult, I hand out candy, to kids, who dress up, who say trick or treat.  If they meet these qualifications they get two or three candy’s.  If they don’t – in a bid not to get my house egged by the older asshole teenagers who think they are “oh so damn cool” – I give them one, and a dirty look.  Yep, I’m THAT girl.

This year, with Simba, he will be dressed up and I bought a cute little Halloween apron that I will proudly wear while tossing candy(s) into the kids bags and buckets.  I am so excited to see what the popular costume is this year and I really hope that some get creative and I pray I don’t see the “Miley Cyrus” foam finger costume because I may not be able to control my annoyance. 

When little Koko Bean comes, he or she will get dressed up every year – and from the time they are old enough to do so – they will Trick or Treat.  I will take pictures and I will do everything in my power to make this a fun, exciting time for them – because other than being a little devil, I don’t remember much about my past and that seems sad to me.

 not so scary for me, but not yet true

Love

Nicole