Decluttering the cluttered

I have a 3 bedroom, two bathroom house and am a single person (always have been since moving into this home).  How have I filled it with STUFF???  I have no idea, but every room has stuff in it!  I am by no means an episode of Hoarders, but you would think there are many adults living in my home and not just me (and my mom for the mean time).

I’ve been meaning to de-clutter, knowing that one day in the future I will have a child living in my home who will need space to grow and make the home truly ours.  While wasting time on Pinterest I came across a list I will implement for the next 6 weeks and see how much I can truly rid myself of (this may be difficult, I tend to hold on to things for sentimental – or future use – value).

Here is the list of 56 things you (and me) can start with for de-cluttering the crap out of our homes:

1. Spare buttons from clothes that you are keeping “just in case” – I have random buttons kept in those little baggies all over my house.
2. Makeup past its best – Ya I have a TON of this
3. Anything in your home that you look at and don’t like – I think I like everything
4. Clothes that don’t fit – I flipped my hangers last year and already gave my sister-in-law a ton of clothes
5. Books you’ve never read and won’t ever read – this will be hard for me as I love books!!!
6. Books you have read and have no intention of reading again – again…hard for me
7. Old magazines – I have none of these thank God!
8. Anything that you can get the same information from easily again online – this is interesting
9. Anything broken – nothing broken, if something breaks I am over you
10. Old bedding in the bottom of your linen cupboard that you never use – I need to match my bedding and then throw away everything else
11. Out of date food in the cupboards – again, I clean my fridge out, but cupboards not so much
12. Half finished craft projects that are never going to be completed – does this include my scrapbooking room, because I have a problem
13. Toiletries you will never use (e.g hand cream/foot cream etc… from a set you got at Christmas) – oh yea I have a lot of this too…please stop buying my lotions people!!!
14. Pens that don’t work any longer – I have a lot of pens – but not at home so I am probably good.
15. Large items that take up too much room and could be borrowed if you ever need again –  I did sell my one table.  I have a camping bbq that hasn’t even been used that I need to sell – MENTAL NOTE
16. Anything that makes you feel sad or guilty when you look at it – huh, this one will take some thinking
17. Games/jigsaws where some of the pieces are missing – I have nothing of this, but once my sweet KOKO gets here I am sure this will change in time
18. Chargers for phones you no longer own – I need to download all the pics from my old phones and then sell them with the chargers – MENTAL NOTE
19. Kitchen gadgets you never use – that bagel cutter I never used, the popsicle molds that are brand new…okay okay
20. Artwork that doesn’t make you happy – I think it all does
21. Anything that doesn’t work as well as it should  – hmmm again this will be a thinker
22. Any earrings that don’t have their partner –  I need to just rid of 90% of my earrings because they are cheap crap!
23. Any shoes that don’t have their partner – all my shoes have partners…pretty partners.
24. Most manuals for items you buy – ya I would probably just buy new if something stopped working …LOL
25. Scraps of wrapping paper that won’t wrap anything – again can we just leave my scrapbook room alone cause that will take some time to organize
26. Educational notes etc… from prior qualifications – Like my seven binders from teachers college and my B.A???  Can I re-read them all first???
27. Any plastic carrier bags you are stockpiling I have a ton of plastic bags – I reuse them as garbage bags!
28. Sports bras that have lost their hold! – I threw out three yesterday – SO THERE!
29. Any mugs over the total number of people you would ever have drinking in your home in one go – Ya I need to get rid of or sell some of these…I have plenty!
30. Any glasses over the total number of people you would ever have drinking in your home in one go – See above
31. Anything that is past it’s best in the freezer – did this two weeks ago – fish from two years ago – yuck
32. Herbs and spices you never use – my spice rack destroyed my spices…they are all rock solid now, I am pissed!
33. Out of date medicines – ya like the allergy pills in my desk that expired in May 2014 (I moved to this desk in July 2017 so I have NO idea where this came from)
34. Items related to hobbies you don’t do any longer – I keep my hobbies
35. Memorabilia that doesn’t hold the same value for you any longer – my Kelly Gruber Rookie Card!!!  NOOOOOO
36. Toys no longer played with – I will never throw out my pound puppy of my build-a-bear
37. DVDs you have watched and won’t watch again – yep I am defintely going to do this (and VHS tapes)
38. CDs you don’t listen to any longer – for sure…all those mix CD’s
39. Recipe books you don’t use – Weight Watchers recipe books anyone???
40. Bad photos you have had developed that you will never want to frame or put in an album – as a scrapbooker this goes against who I am #sorrynotsorry
41. Any junk mail / old paperwork that is piling up – I have a ton of my dads paperwork but since accountant died I am terrified he will be audited and I will be screwed!
42. Hair products you used to use when your style was different – again or was a gift, just stop…my hair is in a ponytail 7 days a week
43. Ornaments that you are sick of dusting – who dusts???
44. Dead plants/flowers – I don’t have these…
45. Shoes that hurt when you wear them – this will be tough…I’ll have to re-wear everything to see 😉
46. Old nail varnish / nail varnish in a colour you don’t wear any longer – all of them??
47. Excess baking trays / saucepans etc in the kitchen – I don’t bake
48. Outside furniture that has faded, broken, or is past its best – can’t someone just repair my bench cause I love it!
49. Food in cupboards that you and the family don’t like and won’t eat – why would I buy something I don’t like???
50. Old calendars and diaries – I trashed these old things months ago because I was embarrassed at how stupid I was growing up
51. Excess loose change – gather it up and get it to the bank – I really wish I had this problem….
52. People in your life that make you unhappy to be around – again I am pretty good at this too
53. Digital photos on your phone or computer that aren’t any good – I do this monthly as I print my photo’s
54. Rusted/tangled jewellery beyond repair – ugh so much….
55. Accessories that you don’t wear – like all the scarves and hats I have and NEVER wear!
56. Bottles of alcohol that have only a tiny bit left in them – HAHAH I do not have this problem, no alcohol is drank at my house except a bottle of wine on book club night

56 things and this is JUST a start!  WOW…okay I will work on this list for me and my precious KOKO who will not want to live under the mounds of books and photo’s that I’ll never scrap.

Stay tuned!

Love Nicole

 

Seasons of wait

When I see friends whom I haven’t talked to in awhile, the standard first question is “how was your summer?”  I don’t have much to say other than – “alright”.  I went to the cottage, spent time with friends and family and waited.  Waited for reports to be finished and most recently (since the beginning of August) waited to be approved as ADOPT READY.  This has been another really long wait.  I know being a mom will require patience and understanding, but testing me through long wait periods of documents being signed and approved isn’t really helping me!

Once I am ADOPT READY, I can submit my dossier to my agency, have everything translated, give them a kidney and possibly a lung to cover the costs and THEN finally have my documents sent to HAITI.  Sadly, this is when the longest wait will be.  I will possibly wait a year or more to be matched with a child.  A year or more of my baby growing up in the Creche (Orphanage).  A year or more of possible Hurricanes destroying his/her land.  A year or more of them not knowing who their mother is.  Not knowing how needed and loved and wanted they are.

The wait is painful.  The only thing that makes is bearable is knowing that my child is there waiting for me too.  They need me to be patient.  They need me to relax and be calm and have my ducks in a line.  They need me to be healthy.  They need me to have my finances all in order.  They need me.  For them I will wait.  For them, and only them, I will take a breath today and accept that waiting is part of the process.  I will suffer through more seasons – fall, winter, spring and summer – with the faith that when everything is right and the stars have aligned – my turn will come.  I will get to be a mommy.  For now I will read the blogs, I will chime in on the numerous Facebook groups dedicated to adoption and I will wait.

Love

Nicole

Chi-Town and why my dislike for some Americans continues…

I have been wanting to go to Chicago pretty much since the last time I went to Chicago with my girlfriend looking for her wedding dress back in 2010.  The irony is that I went because I needed to escape my breakup and the drama surrounding it with A and I knew Kim would be the perfect friend to spend a long weekend with.  This time I went with A because we have somehow managed to escape the nastiness of a breakup, and come out on the other side friends again.

I wanted to go with A because he loves baseball as much, if not more than I do, and my reason for going this time around was to see both the Cubs AND the White Sox play – to see both fields and come two stadiums closer to finishing my goal of seeing every major league baseball diamond.  (I have seen 7 now – still a LOOOOOOONNNNNG way to go).

We left Toronto early Wednesday morning, Canada Day, and both of us immediately fell asleep on the plane.  Thankfully the 1.5 hour plane ride was smooth and quiet and we woke up feeling a bit more refreshed and ready to make our way to the hotel.  Supposedly, when you take a cab that is already waiting for you from the hotel into Elmhurst (where our hotel was) they charge you a fare + half.  If we had called our own taxi they just charge you a regular fare, but we didn’t find that out until we had already agreed to take the already waiting taxi because we knew no better. lesson learned.  After a $45 cab ride I was terrified that the hotel would refuse us entry so early as check in is 3 pm and it was only 9 am, but they had a room available so we thanked them and went to our first floor room to unpack.

Hunger was a priority so we googled where Denny’s was and found it was a ten minute drive (about 4 miles) away so we called a cab and they advised it would be $12.  This seemed expensive, but we were starving so we headed out.  Denny’s makes me happy…cheap, delicious food and service was great!

After breakfast – we needed to sleep.  We both took a four-hour nap.  What an exciting trip!  HA!  That night we learned how to take the Metra (their version of the GO train) into downtown and the nicest train conductor told us how to get around downtown and advised us that cab drivers love taking advantage of Canadians and tourists in general so we needed to act like we were home-grown.  He told us the cab ride to Navy Pier should cost no more than $10 and to tell the driver assertively that was where we wanted to go.  Navy Pier was just as I remembered it – but colder…much colder due to the Lake and the winds coming off the lake.  I bought a sweater that all tourists were wearing and so did A because even HE was cold…after walking around and seeing some of the Piers attractions the fire works show began and I took it as a salute to Canada (even though they have Fire Works every Wednesday).  We had Giordano’s for a late dinner, of course settling for deep dish pizza (holy crap that pizza is THICK).

The rest of our trip had a mixture of highs (seeing both MLB teams and going to a live jazz bar) and lows (getting taken advantage of by a few more cab drivers and we had some major issues witht he hotel that A will be complaining about to management) but spending time with A and being away from the Toronto Pan Am madness for even a few days was totally worth it all.  I know now, that next summer I want to do another American city to cross another diamond off my list – maybe Boston or Seattle?  I have a year to decide!  I hope next year it’s with a little one in my arms or at least a man who loves me holding my hand.

Exploring, travelling, adventure – it’s something I was not exposed to as a child and so I am making sure I get to do some of it now.  It may not be far, but it’s still thrilling to me.  I can’t wait to expose my future little Koko Bean to life outside of his or her hometown.

Love Nicole

40 Pounds

Since I am being slaughtered having surgery for cyst removal again next month, I needed a check up from my family doctor – ya the same woman who refused to sign my referral to the fertility clinic over a year ago – so I headed over with all my pre-op forms and waited somewhat impatiently for her to see me.

The first thing she wanted was my height/weight. Now listen, I am not a stupid woman, all my “thinner” clothes I bought when I was on weight watchers in 2011 don’t even come close to fitting me anymore and the “normal” clothes I’ve worn for a few years before and after the 2011, 25 pd weight loss, barely fit and most days I’m lucky if I can squeeze into the 18’s that have been antagonizing me, taunting me from the closet. I knew I had gained 20 pds back after my initial 25 pd weight loss, what I was not expecting was for Dr. B to tell me I had gained an additional 20 pds so I am 40 pds up from my 25 pds weight loss! WTF! I am disgusted…I look at my body from a distance, rarely naked, hoping magically I’ll wake up and this will have been a nightmare. I pray that I don’t need to be at weight watchers anymore, but now I know I do. Weight Watchers has been the only thing for me that helps me stay on track. It’s a slow, but maintained weight loss solution that I need to dedicate myself to again and as much as that completely sucks, it’s my fault. There is no one else to blame. My father died and I just didn’t care anymore about what I was eating, when I was eating or why I was eating.  I hopped off the scale quickly and everything else she needed from me faded into the background, like white noise.  All I could see was the number on the scale – a number I had never seen before.  I was at my absolute heaviest ever.

I have surgery in two weeks so starting WW now would be foolish. I will begin the last week of September and work on getting this hunk of fat off my body. I will try not to complain. I will try not to wine and feel sorry for myself, but of course I will. I will forgive myself on those days though because I am not perfect and this will not be an easy or fun journey and its one I take alone.

What bothers me now is what do I do about my fertility treatments? Do I continue with IUI knowing I am not at a weight that ideally supports this? It will take months for me to lose the weight I need to (45-50 pds) – and even longer for me to lose the weight I want (about 75-80 pds). I can’t even fathom the idea of not trying to have little Koko once I’m healed from the surgery, but am I throwing away money and time to try to get pregnant as an overweight woman? I just don’t know. Maybe I should book a consult with my fertility doctor – I mean she would tell me wouldn’t she?? I just wish things were easier – but what’s the point of wishing…I need to make these dreams come true…I want to hold Koko in my arms and tell him or her how much they were wanted by their mommy. For now, I wait.

This next journey is surgery and seeing how (if) my body heals from it.

Love

Nicole

Dreams

I have now had a fourth friend tell me that they have dreamed I was having a baby.  Sometimes it’s a girl, sometimes a boy – and twice TWICE it was twins! 

Yes I have had my third insemination, but I am waiting till Monday the 23^rd for the results so I don’t know if I am.  I don’t feel pregnant.  I feel paranoid – as per usual.  Every time I move a weird way or breath heavy or lean my stomach against my counter to brush my teeth or put on makeup I jump back realizing I could be squishing Koko if he/she is in there. Plus I feel like a butter knife is ripping apart my ovaries which I’m pretty sure means I am NOT pregnant. 

But am I pregnant?  I don’t know, and I won’t know for a week.  I want to be – obviously, so badly.  But I refuse to be upset if I’m not.  I can’t control my body; it’s in God’s hands now.  I am becoming more patient the longer this takes. 

If I’m not pregnant, I found out last week I need to have surgery again.  I have had three surgeries to remove a pilonidal cyst and my dermatologist confirmed its back.  If I’m not pregnant I must have it removed.  I will not however have the work done at Scarborough General Hospital again, not that they aren’t great, they are, but my anxiety surrounding the  hospital since my dad passed hasn’t dissipated so I will have the surgery done at Toronto East, which I hear is also a great hospital. 

If I am pregnant, I will need to do the surgery sometime after the baby is born, which is ridiculous because I can’t take care of a newborn, a dog all while lying on my side, taking pain meds (which I would have to wait till after I am done breastfeeding because T3’s aren’t to be taken while nursing).  All as a single mother.  

I do not regret my decision to become an SMC (single mom by choice) at all, I have thought it out, the pros and cons and I still believe in my choice.  I know I can do this.  This surgery (or possible surgery) may just be a setback, that’s all.  I will somehow take care of Koko and Simba and myself and we’ll get through it together.  

P.S. I hate the needle they give you to knock you out for surgery, it burns my wrist for three seconds and for three seconds I feel like Bella in Twilight where I’ve been bitten by a vampire and I’m making the “change” but I wake up, still me, still human, with no Edward…boooo

 

Love

Nicole